- endless broken tales -

once upon a time, lives a strange girl with strange friends and fantasies.

it is still once upon a time

problem:

The reason why I keep on using my temporary fix is because my permanent fix includes leaving you.

SOLE MIO

(n) my sun

by saying you are my sun:

It does not mean i love you

by saying you are sole mio:

You are a big red fiery ball ready to burn me every time i put my guard down yet i still revolve around you with all my attributes because i need your warmth (you are my anchor my center of gravity) even though it kills me to slowly pierce my guard down just for a little more

Pain is painful.

I've been being desperate lately. I can sympathize with the people who said, "I got carried away!" because maybe, at that point, I experienced that.

Thank goodness it didn't go too far. But I should probably still leave a memo, saying "it hurts!" just so the other party would feel guilty for just doing the deed then leave. 

(Nevermind, really.)

Anyway. After such sweet words exchanged in ecstasy to each other, when he (so it's a 'he', and goodness gracious he was not so bad) got back being sane, all that left him in a whoosh. 

He talked about his crush. Like, literally. Each word is like adoring her. (But I did the same too, I wondered when we did it, did we actually imagine someone else in our place?) And when I accidentally spoke the way she spoke (I didn't realize this until he mentioned it), he went ballistic and said: "don't talk that way, the only girl who could speak that way in this house, is her!" 

But that's the thing about us human. We tend to keep pain to ourselves. It was painful. But then we wouldn't admit that to the other party, trying to prove that we were strong enough. And then when the day is over we'd well up in the truth that we were hurt. 

And the stupid thing is, sometimes we tried to prick into the pain like it was a new specimen. Like, I could actually imagine going to the girl this guy has a crush on and help him win her. Even though it'd hurt me, even more, to see them together. 

Then I realized it's a stupid thing. I don't have to prick the pain, it's already hurtful enough to have to get through it. I don't have to add it. Besides, it's none of my business. And I know, I don't have feelings for this guy. He just reminds me of the one I want, just like how I reminded him of her. Wouldn't matter much. Life goes on and I shouldn't worry wart about it. (Still, I don't know why my chest hurt when I think about it.)

I must admit, I was hurt. I regret it. If people said "live without regrets", I think it's wrong. Regrets keep you from going on into the same, wrong path. Have some regrets sometimes. Remind yourself never to go down the same lane. I think it'll help a lot when having to make wise choices in the future. Mine before was a bad one. But life rolls on. Admit the pain, then move on. Because pain, no matter what, is still painful. Time will heal as long as you let it does what it does best: erasing your memories. 

Night, loves. 

X

(no title)

how can I fall in love with anyone else

if

all this time all I want is still you.